|11 January 2005 : Stories of Self-Promotion, Part 1: Don't Mess With Grandmother
||[Feb. 16th, 2007|08:11 am]
|||||Boney M - Rasputin||]|
A couple of years ago, I was processing the library's mail, and I came across a fat packet from "Local Author, Maceo Rodgers #605704". I scanned it. All the highlighting was in the original.
31-DAYS OF PURE HELL ! ! !
In the tradition of truck dealerships and chain fast food restaurants, the author plays up the Texas angle in an attempt to pique curiosity, play on our (presumed) Texan pride, and, apparently, win sympathy. Every Texan, should go out of the way supporting this local Texan, author. In later pages, he will explain exactly how we can go about doing this.
Oh, what's this? Oh. Oh. This explains the number after his name on the return address: he is writing from prison.
Don't Mess With Grandmother is an un - put - down - able page burner, and is highly recommended for Houston, Texas. I haven't read the book, and I can't find a listing for it in OCLC WorldCat (which means that not a single library—not even one in Texas!—has supported this local Texan, author by adding Don't Mess With Grandmother to its collection), so I don't have any idea why the book is recommended for Houston specifically. The SNEAK PEEK available online leads me to believe it takes place in Ohio. Huh.
The sequel is first mentioned here. It's mentioned several more times throughout the letter, and I don't think that the title is the same twice.
Needless to say, the author and his niece did not come to the library to do a book signing, and we opted not to hang up flyers and posters to promote the book. I actually would have loved to have seen the poster; I cannot even imagine what it must have looked like, if it even existed in the first place. I don't know why he signed the number 05 and his niece's name to the letter, but all right.
I really do hope his grandmother had a nice time in Texas, though.
The author has made his niece a character in that sequel he mentioned; in her own words, she will "play as my uncle daughter A new lamb wanted by the Gate-keeper". That... that is sort of weird and disturbing. "In this new book," she continues, "my uncle has done something original from many author's He has ut lize our whole entire family as characters..."
From this, I'm guessing that Ray Ray, or the author writing as Ray Ray (I sort of have my doubts about the authenticity of anything in this letter beyond the existence of the book itself), has read much fiction. I think Stephen King, just to pull a name you might have heard of out of a hat, made himself a pivotal character at the end of those Dark Tower books. Oh, and I read a story in which a stand-in for the author, a grown man whose life seems to be defined by his battle with ADD, has sex with Daria and then dies (unrelated incidents). Sorry, kid, it's just not that new of a maneuver.
Hey, let's get a better look at that cover—is that dripping blood?
Yes. Yes, it is. And I am guessing that this is Grandmother. Who is murdered for her fortune and, subsequently, is not to be messed with.
Don't Mess With Grandmother was never made into a major motion picture.